Ares Night Performance!!!-The bomb!

Mmmm so today was judgement day and errrrrrr, mmhmm, i bombed-

Well, sort of. After 5 minutes into my speech i sensed that the audience weren’t enjoying it and i quickly cut to the end. Wait let me take you through the entire experience

A few hours beefore the night began, i felt nervous and all….woo…and then i suddenly felt comfortable again. I bounced between these two modes a few times. Anyway, when i went up and got the mike…hmm i felt quite…okay, but then i began and then hmm, the laughs just didn’t come in, my humor fell short, and i felt the audience’s attention drifting. My best humor line bombed although my second-best humor part was partially successful.

Okay, anyway, after i finished, i felt woo…upset and unhappy. I don’t know how to describe my feeling, its like a big sense of loss, of a diminishing of self…i went back to the lt3 and sat around and just felt my feelins, not trying to fight them…but then i didn’t feel like being there so i went out to somewhere i could be alone…and i found some placce and woo, i wasn’t afraid of ghosts! i didn’t care and just sat there, alone…..and then i dunno why but i think alone, i could really let all my feelings come up and then i began to tear…and it did feel good tearing and after i stopped…i sort of wanted to tear again waha…but after i teared, i did feel better

Right now i’m feeling fine now, and from this perspective, well, its easy to say that that was the diminishment of the ego, where my own image of myself was reduced, but at that time, thinking it that way was silly…i knew that the reason i felt so upset was because i had a need to do well, (ironic since my speech was about to stop needing), but the ego structure was there already and it wasn’t as if i could just take it away like…that…

At that point i was just feeling…woo…upset upset…felt like going home and just being with myself…but after a while alone i felt better and went back to lt3…and when the event was over, the soccer people encouraged me and shit and hey, i did feel better when they did that…

then when i decided to go home…ahh on the way i met with mj and jillian and chan yi and they gave me some encouraging words and i began to feel better and better…fact when i reached the bus stop i was almost back…talked to linus and…and i think i because i had thaat sense of loss and healed from it…i was comfortable talking to another new person…much more comfortable than beefore because i already knew i could do it and did do it, but this time it was easy and comfortable…

and then when i started talking to the person, it was a guy from apollo i am so sorry i can’t remember his name…but yea i asked him about my performancce and got some feedback…ahh and when i can do that, it means that i wasn’t hurting from that performance anymore…and then some seniors came to the bus stop too, calvin chia and bryan and jin yang…and we all took 67

and on the bus…it was nice talking to them, and a grandsenior who boarded the bus too…and then i got to know more about calvin chia…talked to him on the bus and on the way home…and once i got home i was feeling pretty good already

So, this experience…a challenge, lots of growth, improvement…its always nasty to bomb on your first performance, but hey, that just means that you take more care in your further performances…and furthermore…if you’re low, you can only go higher than low…

And after that bomb…little things can be worse than that! The next time i do public speaking, there will be less nerves, more confidence, better preparation, feel more comfortable, and have more experience.

I got some feedback and some of these were that the humor wasn’t that right for the audience and erm, the content was out of place…the “feel” was out of place too, after a13’s incredible performance…and it’s true you know…i took a lot of that into account and modified a lot of my speech to suit the audience but guess what, it still wasn’t enough and its simple as that

I fell…so all i need is to pick myself up and learn how to walk again! I learnt much, experienced much, tried something new, something different, and along the way, i got a lot out of it…for a few hours’ worth of unhappiness…that’s quite worth it mm? Okay, i guess the er, preparation energy and effort i put in had to count to, but i wasn’t suffering…i was in fact quite enjoying the process of doing it so i dont think you can call that a sacrifice…

But i want to talk about my feelings when i was upset…at that point, i still had logical thoughts flitting in my head, like “you’re upset cause you need …”, “just pick yourself and do it the next time”, “you bombed, what’s the point of your life now?” and all sorts of that but you just don’t pay attention to them. All you want is to just feel better, be alone or something, or just not thinki about anything and just feel those feelings….and at that point i realised some new things…i wondered…is there a better way to get rid of all those conditioned needs, those egoic patterns and structures? what should i be feeling? what is life for? I had a state and thoughts in which i normally had no access to…

and you know, it made me more clear and more aware of how our egos can really cause us suffering and all, and i’ve just got more motivation to be free,

Day 3 of fasting

Woohoo, okay, today i ended my fast. On Day 3, it was really easy to brush off the cravings even though they were there. And then at dinner, my mom got me hor fun and when i began eating it, i didn’t really love it as i thought i would, seeing as i fasted for 3 days. It tasted mm okay. Halfway as i was eating it, i suddenly felt nauseous and just spat out all the food i had in my mouth. I knew that was a sign of my body to say “enough” so i stopped eating the horfun and ate some grapes instead to help my body digest the new food.

Day 2 of fasting plus Ares rehearsals

Today was day 2…today the hunger cravings didn’t get to me as much as it did yesterday. I had a few temptations but i kept off all of them. I had two slices of watermelon in the afternoon and some grapes at night. I tried to eat an apple but after like 1/5, i didn’t really feel like eating it anymore.

Throughout the day, i’ve been feeling some tingling sensations in my body here and there…mm…and i haven’t had any of the physical symptoms of bad breath, coated tongue kind of thing. I’m thinking that since i’ve been eating okay and the fat in my body was pretty low to begin with, there won’t be many toxins to detoxify so i think i won’t suffer from any of those…detoxification symptoms.

Played soccer and again, became tired out quicker than normal. I still feel completely fine and normal, with no weakness or dizziness or anything. And just a note, i’ve decided i’ll go for a short 3 day fast since Friday is ares night where i paid 5 dollars for the food..mm…so i’m not goin to let that go to waste. After that i think i’ll go for another short fast, and then maybe a longer one…we’ll see.

So, today is Day 2!! And Day 3 ends tomorrow, dinner…Mmm.

Oh yea, had ares rehearsals and mmm my new script seems to have some good humor inside it. Was a bit nervous and had a little trouble remembering what i was talking about, but it came out fine in the end, got some laughs and connected with the audience. However….there’s still a lack of …enthusiasm and aliveness in some parts where there isn’t humor. I think i’ll just have to reach the stage where i lose all unconscious nervouesness or self-consciousness and am free to express myself…perhaps that will happen tomorrow…or on ares night itself.

Day 1 of fasting

Got up in the morning and ate a plum. Not much hunger pangs yet

Went to school and began thinking about the yong tau foo i could eat later…ooohhh man…but i resisted the temptation and only ate an apple.

Later on the hunger pangs gradually subsided but recurred now and then throughout the day…during history, during lit…i felt some cravings for food…

Went to play court for about 1 hour and i think that i didn’t have that much stamina although i felt fine…no dizziness or weakness. Okay, so day 1 of fasting is done…goodbye for now

Went home and ate tablespoon of honey, a plum and more water.

So today was the first day of my 3 day fasting and it went okay…i’d have preferred if i didn;t have to deal with the cravings  but those and the hunger pangs are about the only problems i had. Midway through the day, i had this thought that since i already went for half a day, what the heck if i broke my fast i’d be wasting all that effort so that’s some extra motivation for me for the next 2 days.

I also thought that i could apply this motivation to after the 3 days…since i’ve already gone for 3 days, what the heck lets just make this a week.

OMG I GOT IN!~! SUCCESS (public speaking)

Hurrah, my second audition was successful and i got through!

I’ve decided to keep my format similar to the one i used for the second round of auditions with some new humor that came to me.

So readers, attend ares night!

Public Speaking Audition (2)

Today i went for the second round of audition and found out that i had 2 people for my audience. I went through some of my lines again and after pondering how i should deliver them, i decided to cut out the parts that were really iffy. Also, i realised that some humor i wanted to put in wouldn’t work out with an audience of 2 and i had to edit it furthermore.

Before the auditions, i didn’t feel enthusiastic about it. I don’t know why, maybe because its part of my fear that i won’t do well or that my speech wasn’t good, but i didn’t feel like talking about it. I was feeling a bit nervous and wondering how the speech would work with the audience of 2 but anyway, showtime came and i began.

And as i began, i suddenly gained enthusiasm…i was connecting with the 2 people and although part of it was for a much bigger audience, i interacted and communicated with them. As i spoke, i spontaneously cut out even more parts. I stumbed during some parts, However, this time i felt a lot better talking, i had enthusiasm, i didn’t feel like i was dragging, i thought that my points flowed from one to another rather than dragging out a single point and repeating the same things. Shu Fan smiled at some of the humor (or i guess he was smiling at the humor) which encouraged me and after i did the thing, i felt i did a lot better than the previous time.

There’s still lots of room for improvement, and if i get in, i’ll revamp parts of it although i’ll keep the structure the same. After the performance, i felt pretty pleased that i did a much better job than the last time, and even if i don’t get in, i know that i’ve grown and improved, and the next time, i’ll just keep getting better and better.

Learning Public Speaking

These past few days, i’ve been working on the talk im going to present for my audition on Monday. I’ve never done a talk to a large audience before and the idea of doing that is a little scary but i’ve stopped fearing large audiences to the extent that it paralyzes me. In my previous audition which didn’t go to well, as well as during my practise, i’m completely fine with going on the stage but the real issue is to stop feeling self-conscious and connect with the audience.

When i first began writing and planning out my talk, i did some practise and during the rehearsal, i realised that i was getting bored of myself speaking! I checked the time and realised i’d spent 25 minutes and hadn’t even finished it! I realised i had to cut it down a lot, firstly because it was rather dry and secondly, i didn’t think i could drone on for so long without feeling terrible for myself and the audience. I cut it down a lot, so that it would go on for about 10 minutes and then i sort of memorized the things.

When i went for my first audition, bleagh, it was too serious, too dry, and i knew i didn;t connect with the audience. Throughout the talk, i was trying to remember what was the next thing i was goin to say. Even as i talked, i could feel that the audience wasn’t really captivated even though i knew the content was pretty insightful. I tried to emphasize my speech by breathing hard into my mike and it came off as nervous. The audience symphathized and were understanding but i knew they didn’t really enjoy it and i didn’t enjoy it myself. I personally feel that the most important thing in conversations is connection between the speaker and the audience, true, sincere and genuine connection was the most critical thing and i wasn’t able to feel it.

I got some feedback from john and joseph that i was too serious, no humour in it, appeared to be nervous and dry and i agreed. Then, john suggested that i could maybe choose to do the singing thing instead of the talk but i didn’t really want that. I wanted to do the talk to help people, to inspire people and i wasn’t going to be knocked down by a bad first performance. In the end, it turned out that there was going to be a second round of auditions and i’d work harder on my talk.

Some things that came to my mind throughout these days were how to put and use humor in my speech, how to contextualize it and let it connect with the audience, and how to master my talk such that i didn’t have to worry about not remembering what to say or going in the wrong order and could focus on connecting with the audience.

I looked back to stevepavlina’s website for help and yep, i got a lot of resources from it. I was introduced to and learnt some humor techniques and rules and coupled with some inspiration over the days, i gradually put and organised pieces of humor into my talk that i am confident will be quite funny. Some of the humor didn’t work out when i practised it so i refined and took it out. Some ideas came to me and i put them in. Gradually, i had decent amounts of humor scattered here and there so i’ll be keeping my fingers crossed on monday.

Another tip i learnt was to customize the talk for the audience and although i did that to some extent for my first audition, i intensified the process this time round. In fact, many pieces of my humor wouldn’t be understood by people outside of the targe audience. MMMm. I also reworked my approach to the talk to make it more concise, to make it flow better and to make it more acceptable. One problem joseph pointed out was that my talk could easily alienate the audience and cause them to switch off which i knew was a very real problem of many speakers.

When i began reworking it, i became a little bit dismayed when i couldn’t think of humor to put in and became a bit disillusioned at how i was going to work the whole thing out. Then, i reminded myself that this was not for me but for my audience and read some inspiring stories about many comedians and speakers who sucked at the start but persevered to become better and better speakers. That was a great reminder that the point of public speaking is to grow, to learn, to experience, to play, and not to achieve anything. If i failed, i’d have a better chance of succeeding next time. If i didn’t try, i would continue failing.

In the end, my speech/talk is really, really different from the previous one. I completely revamped it, although the theme remained the same and i’m pretty confident about the speech/talk itself. As for the presentation, i haven’t practised it to a great extent yet and i’m not sure i’ll connect on monday.

Either way, it’s been really fun and interesting to learn about and try out public speaking!

Happiness

Two or three weeks ago, i had a new insight to happiness. It wasn’t so much as a new intellectual understanding, but a deepening of the understanding. I was walking and then realised that the true path of happiness was if i could be happy while walking, happy that i was walking, not thinking or being distracted by future-stuff.

When i ate dinner, i noticed myself lying down there and again, realised that if i could be happy just lying there, that would be true happiness. When the small things are loved, when the doing is enjoyed, the having loses its importance.

There’s this sort of evolutionary scale of happiness. The most common one is currently feeling happy when you have something, gained something, where you derive happiness from the result. On this level, you feel dissatisfied most of the time, with glimpses of happiness only available to you when you gain something. Notice that the people who are the most competitive, most possessive, always comparing themselves to other people, the result-oriented people are also nearly always the more unhappy, less genuine, more unfriendly people.

The next scale is “doing”, where you derive happiness from doing, from the process. I think i’ve moved away from having and am at this level of happiness, where i like doing. I like playing football, talking to people, interacting and being involved in things. At this level, happiness is a much more common occurence and you stop feeling disappointed or unhappy when you are unable to get what you want. People at this level are likely to be far more genuine, and you get the sense that they aren’t trying to get anything from you, not trying to project an image or impression or gain favours. You are likely to be a lot more comfortable with them.

And the final stage of Being, where you feel happy just by being who you are. Being alive, or conscious, is all you need to be happy. The activity of inactivity is enough to let you feel joyful and peaceful. Nothing needs to be done, no doing is required, no-thing is needed for happiness. People who enjoy doing things, actually feel the enjoyment not from the activity, but because the activity allows them to move into a state of Being.

This is in contrast with “having” people, who are likely to feel bored, feel that they are unproductive, and dislike inactivity. They feel that when they aren’t doing anything, they are wasting their time and feel the urge to keep moving and doing in order to have and even as they do, they are unable to enjoy the doing. Their only relief comes when they “have” something.

“Doing” people are more content with inactivity, but being unable to derive happiness from inactivity, still look towards activity and things to do. They may be able to appreciate the peace of inactivity, but being unable to fully and truly feel complete peace and joy through just Being, they have urges to do things.

At the state of Being, you don’t look towards doing certain things for happiness. All things are honored, no things give you happiness or peace, because it comes from you. You don’t seek happiness from outside of you, it emanates from you. Babies and children are often in this state and being so, are often the most active participants of life. They fully immerse and enjoy themselves in the dance and play of life and learn extremely quickly, are extremely genuine and infect the people around them with joy and love. Society conditions us towards “having” people, so as people grow up, they gradually become more unhappy, less capable, and less genuine.

So how do we move towards the state of Being?

First, we must recognize the insanity of “having”. “Having” is the cause for wars, arguments, stress where people want to have more land, power, glory, superiority, money and all of that. Most people are stuck at “having”, and the world is still entrenched in the “having” state, so it is normal to be a “having” person. But being normal does not mean being sane. If unhappiness is the norm, isn’t it insane to create more unhappiness and be part of the insanity?

Second, since “having” is so common, it means that it takes a lot more courage to be different from everyone else and make a change. If you recognize that “having” is insane, the next step is to dare to be sane. Have the courage to be a sane person. Humans are known to conform even when conformity may mean unhappiness, suffering, injustice is done to themselves or other people. Conformity is also the recipe for mediocrity. The courage to break out of conformity and insanity is necessary, or even with the knowledge, people will simply continue being insane and continue suffering.

Many people are at least partially aware that a world of “having” is insane. I have friends who desire and crave for the innocence and happiness of babies, children and long to be there, yet they resign themselves to a life of “having”. They go “life sucks, but we have to deal with it” and pat their friends who also face the same shit, resigning themselves to a life of “having” rather than having the courage to break out of their insanity and say, “Fuck this, i’m not going to lead a life like that”. Indeed, some people resort to suicide to escape the insanity but there is no courage in that.

Third, the knowledge…how to be happy? Simply recognize the dysfunction and be aware of it at all times. Observe your unhappiness when you don’t have what you want to have, observe your unease at inactivity, observe how, when doing mundane things like walking, sitting on the bus, you are sucked into thinking about the future, the past, things, not enjoying Being there.

When you have an image of yourself being a certain way and people insult that image, you feel hurt because you lost what you had. Feel that hurt and unhappiness. When you realise that you are feeling anxious, thinking and planning about the future, feeling fearful and competitive, observe and be aware of all of that.

Whenever you are unhappy, it means you have “lost” or failed to “have” something, and are stuck in a mental and emotional pattern of having. You have been conditioned to become a “having” person. When you become aware of it, when you feel the emotions generated by these patterns, when you see the thoughts of these mental patterns, you are already aware of these patterns. When you are aware, you are no longer a “having” person. A “having” person is unaware of these patterns and takes them to be normal. The more you are aware, the more you observe your thoughts, the more you are in the state of being aware and observing. Being aware and observing means you are not playing out the mental and emotional pattern. You have detached yourself from it, and the more you do so, the faster the “having” patterns will erode away. It is a process, a gradual thing, so you will have to keep observing and being aware until the patterns erode and “having” stops being your way of life.

Try meditation. What is meditation? Meditation is stillness, being free of your thoughts and just Being there. The more people are geared towards “having’, the more they are trapped in thinking and the more they think. When i first began meditating, i was very much a having person and it was reflected in the way that tt was very hard for me to get more than 10 or 20 seconds of a state of no thoughts. Being more a of Doing person now, i find it a lot easier to go into a state of thoughtlessness. That is “formal” meditation, where you place particular emphasis on entering a state of Being. Now bring this state into all your activities. When you walk, place all your attention on walking. When you sit, feel your butt on the surface you sit, feel how the air feels to your skin, completely be there. When you find yourself thinking, break away from thinking and return you attention to whatever you are doing.

So how does one meditate? One of the easiest ways is to feel your breath. Feel and be aware of how your breath feels like, how your organs move, how your breath moves through your nose, throat lungs, the inhale and exhale. Don’t think “oh this is my nose, this is my throat”, don’t think about feeling it. Just feel it and be completely aware of how it feels. Place all your attention on feeling your breath. Do this for 5 minutes and you may find that after awhile, your thoughts stop and you are just there, being aware of your breath. The essence of meditation is to be completely present and BE, rather than being absorbed by “having” and “doing”.

Thinking is the common state of a “having” person, since the having person is always thinking about how to have, what he wants to have, and not being satisfied with what is. A Being person thinks, but only when it is necessary. A Having person is always thinking and is completely absorbed by it. The more you are in a state of no-thought, the more you are in a state of Being. In your life, think only when it is crucial and necessary, when you are completing an assignment or solving problems.

Happiness is simple to attain. Just be, lose the need to have or do, and be happy with Being. It is simple, but not easy. To have a more profound and deeper understanding, i suggest reading The Power of Now or The New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. In these two books, he clearly explains the dysfunction of a Having person and how to become more of a Being person. Okay, love me and send me hugs.

Love Signs

Okay, i just realised that i’ve been hit by a wave of “Love” synchronities lately.

Firstly, there’s the “Heart Essence Method” by Susan Castle

Then, i’ve been listening to the audiobook Zero Limits by Joe Vitale and it speaks about using Love to mend and heal all the disharmonies in your life, epitomised by using the phrase “I love you” whenever you feel or see disharmony, negativity and unhappiness.

And then, a newsletter Quantum Mind Power i subscribe to has “Love” as its central theme in this issue

All of them speak of the greatest force being Love, and using that to empower you.

Love!

Fuck the future and your ‘purpose’

Lately, as me and my friends move towards the A levels, i’ve been seeing more and more of them feeling anguish, struggle, uncertainty, anxiety about the future. There’s a longing, a clinging on to right now, when we’re free of the imagined troubles of working life. They seem to dislike the future, not wanting to meet it, yet they can’t help thinking about it. What will we do? What should i do with my life? With my future? What’s the point of scoring As if i don’t know what to do with my future? This post is meant to hopefully give them an answer to all these troubles.

The reason for this clinginess, this desire to avoid the future and hang on to the present, right now, is because we fear the future. We imagine the future to be worst off than the present. Why else would we avoid it? We always look forward towards something better, and shy away from something worse. Even though we may not consciously project our imagine our future, even though we may not logically know what our future will be, we unconsciously already pictture the future to be bad. We hear stories from society, newspapers, parents, about how working life is so stressful, full of back-stabbing and crap, and the shitty thing is we buy into all of it.

The next problem is when we take in all the assumptions of the future that society throws at us. Assumptions such as “YOU MUST HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE”, “EVERYONE HAS A PURPOSE IN LIFE”, “YOU MUST KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE”…and when we accept these, we unconsciously also accept that “EVERYONE KNOWS THEIR PURPOSE. YOU OUGHT TO, TOO”, “YOU WILL DIE/SUFFER IF YOU DON’T HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE”, “IT IS WRONG TO NOT HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE”. You take in all these assumptions and assume that because society takes them to be true, they must be true for everyone. Not many people talk about this, so you assume that you’re the only one having this problem. You make “findin a purpose” right and not having one, “wrong”.

So, as we seem to move closer and closer to all these future projections, these problems become more and more glaring. Right now, i’d just like everyone who has these problems to take the step of courage and consider what my opinions on these are.

1. The future doesn’t exist. It may be better, it may be worse. No one knows! All you know is society bombaring you with their realities of it but you have no idea if its true for you or not. Even if what they say is true, what can you do about it? Worrying about it won’t help, avoiding it won’t help because you can’t avoid it. All you can do is to accept that whatever will be, will be. Relinquish resistance, stop trying to avoid or delay it. Be at peace with whatever may come, and the only way you can be at peace is to focus on this moment right now. Whenever you project yourself into the future and think about it, whether unconsciously or consciously, you’re trying to deal with something that you can’t! How can you deal with a problem that doesn’t exist? The only thing that is real, that exists, is now, the present moment, so put your full attention and focus on it. When the future comes, it will come through Now, you will face the future in the present, and when it comes, deal with whatever comes.

But seriously, you have absolutely no idea what the future holds for you, so why let yourself be so bothered by it? Who’s to say the future isn’t more fun, more enjoyable, happier than it is now? Why make so many silly assumptions based on what others think and trying to make you think? When people try to convince me that life in the future is going to be hard/stressful, in my mind, i’m going “fuck off, my future is goin to be way more fun and happy than it is now. you can have the unhappy future, i’m going to have the happy one.” And if they try to convince me by talking, i’m guessing i would probably tell them “i don’t believe in that.” That’s what i did when my mom told me how we needed to brush our teeth or else they will decay. I told her,”i don’t believe in that.”

I know, some of you may be going, “just because you believe in it doesn’t make it true”. Well, i believe in the law of attraction, and basically, it means that you get what you believe. There is evidence for it, scientifically, in the form of placebo, the phenomenon where people’s illnesses suddenly go into remission when they believe that htey are cured even if they haven’t.

2. The next point deals with the assumptions that we blindly take in. Who told you you NEEDED to have a purpose? Why can’t you not have one? Okay, so people tell you that you must have one. But you don’t know your purpose right now, and do you think that worrying about it, thinking about it, will lead you to your purpose? Why not just accept that you don’t know what your purpose is right now, and it may or may not come to you. For now, your purpose is to live your life as it is, in the present moment, not to worry about the future because worrying does absolutely shit. Alternatively, you can go one step further and accept that you may not have a purpose at all.

Sometimes, you get that argument…if you have no purpose, you may as well die now…i would say…not really. Babies, children don’t seem to have any “purpose”. Their purpose, as far as they are concerned, is to be completely present and enjoy whatever there is now, and they seem happy enough. I would think that your purpose should be something you love to do, something you feel enthusiastic and happy about doing, rather than something you think you should be doing, something you think makes a big contribution to society or whatever. If you do what you are happy doing, what you feel you should be doing, then you will naturally contribute in your own way. On the contrary, if you THINK that you should be doing something and then you do it, you’ll end up unhappy and burden the world with your complaints, unhappiness, and resentment.

I believe that when people tell you that you ought to have a purpose in life, the true meaning to that is that you should live a life where you find meaning and happiness, doing something you like and love to do. This is in contrast to people who lead their lives according to what society tells them they should be doing, getting a job that society deems acceptable, not daring to do what they would really like to do, and basically living their lives like a machine. When you have a purpose, it means you take charge, you are in control, you do what you want and not what others tell you you ought to be doing.

Realise that there is NOTHING WRONG with not knowing your purpose or having a purpose. The only thing that sucks is when you live your life according to what people tell you. Stop needing to have a purpose! When you have a purpose, it should come naturally and spontaneously to you. You should innately, instinctively know what it is, rather than trying to think, analyze and figure out what it is. If you don’t know, be completely fine with it. Why take the insane route of trying to fight and figure out your purpose, a purpose that might not even exist, a purpose that exists out of the infinite purposes there are in this world? What if you have more than one purpose? What if your purpose changes from time to time? Fuck, are you seriously going to try to analyze and figure it all out?

Right now, this is my purpose: My purpose in life is to lead the happiest life i can lead, to become completely present, to inspire and teach others how to become enlightened in my definition of it. My purpose may change later, but for now, this is what i like to do. I like to help people, to inspire people, and to enjoy my life. So i make that my purpose. Oh, another part of my purpose is to not make the future a problem and to stay completely present and enjoy the present moment.