Six months after practising the power of now

The past week has been characterized by a strange feeling of lethargy. Its like all i want to do is just to laze around, rest or sleep. I don’t feel like writing, nor revising or even playing football. School is a bit of a chore, but i don’t get unhappy over it. It feels a bit like i’m an “old” man, disinterested in the material world and all i want to do is sit in a rocking chair and enjoy a book.

This year has been a wonderful year. I’ve probably learnt more and improved much more than the past 4 years combined. Girls have made life a little bit more interesting, but by far, the best thing about this year is reading the power of now and learning how to be aware of that awareness behind my thoughts. Ever since i read that book and delved into Eckhart Tolle’s teachings, the level of stress and unhappiness in my life has plummeted so much that its nearly absent nowadays. Sometimes i can’t believe how i lived that stressful, burdensome, competitive life just six months ago.

Six months ago

Six months ago, thrown into a somewhat different environment; girls as schoolmates, a slightly different education system, a drastic loss of form in football which made me terribly unhappy, attempts to “add” more to myself, to ‘become” and “achieve” more, to be seen as a “popular” person. Nearly every moment in my life was filled with thoughts, either reliving my past glories or horrors, otherwise thinking about the future, planning on how to become a good hypnotist, a good student, a good footballer, a popular guy, a girlfriend.

And then, reading the book, i realised the insanity of all of that. Trying to construct an identity i would be proud of, thinking that i would be satisfied when that happens, blinded to the unhappiness and stress i was causing to myself. In struggling to get so much, i missed out on that peace, that inner serenity that is always there. I saw that sometimes, because of those attempts to add to my ego, my relationships with people weren’t very genuine. I was trying to impress, trying to gain something from them.

Sure, i was still a pretty nice guy. I had some integrity and even prided myself on it. I had high EQ so i got along with everyone. I knew how to act most of the time, although occasionally my act fell apart when i was at a loss at what to do. More often than not, i was genuine in my relationships, i never really tried manipulating people unless you count trying to make a good impression as manipulation. Actually it is, but it isn’t considered manipulation in the conventional term. But hell, how much better i am now as a person when i drop my “self” and just BE my self.

The change didn’t come overnight. Gradually, i dropped more and more of my ego. My reactions became less severe. I became very conscious of when i was thinking and through observing and being aware of my thoughts, my thoughts lost their addictive, “trapping” power. Some situations i didn’t know how to deal with, some i learned quickly. I read more and learned more, deepened my understanding, and right now, i feel like i’ve reached a point where i know how to deal with nearly any situation.

Dealing with thoughts and emotions

I think the early changes were being more “aware” and being less fixated on my thoughts. Previously, i was addicted to thinking, but detachment from thoughts was the most obvious principle so i experienced more and more peace. I learned to surrender to my emotions, not to fight or hide my unhappiness, disappointment or frustration, but simply to yield to them. It was a relief, after spending so much of my time wondering what i should do to tackle my unhappiness, when all i needed to do was to just feel that unhappiness. So the first major step was learning to deal with my emotions and thoughts.

The peace and perfection that is always present

The next change probably came when i began to realise i didn’t need to become anything. Intellectually, i understood that, but only after a while, weeks or months before i really understood and “got” it. I experienced a certain level of peace during my first major step, and it opened me to a new perspective. The realisation that i didn’t need to be anything! What a relief! From struggling about what identity i should construct and how i was going to go about it, it dawned on me that all these identities were worthless, unncessary, and only created struggle and suffering. Whilst searching for all these identities, i had the greatest sense of self already within me; Myself!. An essence, a character that isn’t defined by anything, not be a job, not by popularity, not by talents or skills, yet a unique, wonderful Being that didn’t need any tinkering with. A perfection that was already there! The second major step was learning that i was already perfect.

Relinquishment of the material

With that realisation also came the giving up of the material world. Money, fame, status, just didn’t seem that important anymore. Gradually, my attachment to these things weakened and faded away. And the related issues of a safe and secure job, ensuring a bright future, getting good grades or playing well in football naturally went away, or at least, decreased substantially in importance and attachment. During block tests, i had very little stress if at all.

Twice, my mother asked me what i was going to do in the future and why i took my current subject combination. I told her that i didn’t know and if my job required it, i would then learn it. I realised the illusory nature of our fears about poverty, future, or failure. I told her that the the worst that could happen was that i became a cleaner. If not, i’d just die. The worst that happens is death and what is to be feared about that? Compared with a lifetime of worry, stress and struggling, i’d take death anyday.

And then another wonderful realisation came to me. Now that i was free of all these fears, now that i was no longer limited or restricted by a need to have a “good” job or a secure future, i was truly free to pursue whatever i wanted. I could do the things i loved and enjoyed and not be affected by how secure or safe the job was. I realised that i could go into multiple careers, trying new things, new jobs, learning new skills, playing games, computer games, sports. I could go professional, be an olympian, a footballer, a hypnotist, a healer, a writer, an actor. Free of the illusory fears, i could finally lead a real life, a life that depends on what i want in that moment rather than one planned years ago.

And much of that was translated in reality. I spoke up and gave feedback in front of the school, something i never did during my four years in high school, and to top it off, made it funny. I went up and gave an inspirational speech, although that was also affected by my remaining ego and fears. I haven’t relinquished everything yet! For one friday afternoon and night, i hung out with the ares fac comm and got a free meal from Mr Teh who had meant to treat the entire fac comm but because i coincidentally happened to be hanging around them, he offered me to come along. What is special about that? It may sound silly and indeed, it is silly, but there was a voice in me that warned that i’d appear to be desperate to be part of the “fac comm”, the “in” gang, and honestly, i sensed that there was some of that feeling in the fac comm as well. But hey, i went “fuck it” in my head, let them think what they want and just went along.

Learning to surrender to every moment

During the past 2 months or so, i learned a new lesson. Previously, i felt awkward and uncomfortable around some people, probably because more often than not, they hurt my ego. For a while, i didn’t know what to do. I struggled with it for a while. And then, an insight came to me. Why not just surrender to the awkwardness and discomfort? So thats what i did. I just allowed myself to feel whatever i was feeling, and then, miraculously, i started communicating in a much more genuine, connected manner. I no longer tried to appear as if i was unaffected or put on a front of bravado. When i was at a loss at what to do, i just kept quiet and still and felt that awkwardness, that confusion. And automatically, i felt more and more comfortable around these people. When i saw people i knew, i no longer felt a need to say hi in a very obvious manner, but just nodded and acknowledged them as i felt like.

Simply put, the lesson learnt here was to surrender to every moment, and with this last lesson, it seems like i’ve found the answer to everything. In everything i do, just surrender to whatever i felt. No acting, no pretending, no avoiding, no distracting myself, just surrendering and letting myself feel and be whatever i felt like.

Life right now

Six months after reading and practising the power of now, my life has taken a really huge change. Externally, it seems very similar, but internally, i’ve transformed a life of stress, frustration, anxiety, superficiality, ego, into one that is predominantly peaceful, genuine and free from problems. I still have traces of the ego left, somtimes thoughts still interrupt me, i still feel a little bit uncomfortable around some people, although the discomfort has greatly diminished.

More and more, life looks more and more like a game, where i have nothing to lose but experiences and fun to gain. But right now, for the past week, i’ve just been feeling like lying down and resting peacefully. Some part of me urges me to study and revise and all, but i choose to go with the flow and do and be what i feel like doing. It doesn’t matter either way, anyway.

The Pain-body strikes!

Everytime i post, i normally do so in a really calm and composed mood because on the bus back, after taking a bath, any turbulent emotions usually fade. Anyway, today was really infuriating. We were playing court and iype was being his fucked up self again, and i don’t know what the fuck is his problem but he keeps bitching about me? Like what the fuck can’t he just shut the fuck up and play the game? I know my speech wasn’t really that well-received but did he have to drive the knife where it hurts by taunting me about it? “Loser can’t even give a speech” is seriously fucked up. and then because of it i got affected and then really wanted to just smack him or something. and then his silly dumbass friend kaiye got in the mood and began crowing and cawing, criticising and complaining about his teamates at like everything? complaining about the rain, the weather, bad passes, all that shit as if he was really good or something when really, he isn’t good at all?

Sorry, had to try a bing xiang to scare the two of them if they read this. But actually, this is what would have probably been in my mind the entire time before this year. This is what really happened…

So we played footie and iype was being his noisy and crazy self and was having fun taunting and teasing people. That’s just his personality and then when he started directing some of the taunts at me, i felt something rise up, like some form of energy movement came out and i felt a contraction in my body. Some pretty negative emotions came up and the more he taunted (he kept it up for quite a bit), the more came up and i was aware of the pain-body but still reacted to some of that. My reactions were nothing too drastic, just a sneer or something, and i just stayed present and allowed the feelings to be there and just felt them. They didn’t go away immediately, but just being aware that i don’t have to react to the pain allowed me to gain control over my actions. Negative thoughts did pop in here and there and later i also took issue with kaiye’s complaining (which is normal, but there’s nothing wrong with it).

See, the funny and insane thing is that, they were just being themselves, and it was I who took issue with what they did, or rather, my ego taking issue with it. Things just happened but in my mind, they were happening to me and i was making myself unhappy because i couldn’t accept what happened. And in some ways, i reacted to things that happened to me rather than respond. I get criticised, i react by being defensive or critical. I am upset, i believe i’m being slighted, i react by complaining in my mind. When you react, you just act out a certain pattern, there’s no real power and control over what you do. A reaction is automatic, unconscious whereas response means seeing things as they are, not being emotionally affected by things, and then taking action, action that is conscious, deliberate, and powerful.

Now, when all of that happened, i was intellectually aware of all of this, but emotionally, i still had some egoic structures and a pain-body (a body of pain that lies dormant and is triggered by certain actions) but because i was aware and conscious, aware that i was not my ego and not my pain-body (i felt pain but i wasn’t the pain), conscious enough to not react and be absorbed in my thoughts. What does this mean? It means that when thoughts like “why is iype so effed up” and emotions of resentment and anger appear, i have space to look and observe them in a detached fashion, not absorbed and identified with them. Another way of putting it is that I am not thinking those thoughts, rather, my ego/mind is thinking them, and that “i am feeling angry” but not “i am angry”.

So becauses there was “space”, a sort of distance between those thoughts and emotions, i could observe and see them for what they truly are; illusions. I didn’t get drawn into them, although they were present, but because i wasn’t drawn to them, i could remain present and play football as i did, unaffected by those thoughts and emotions.

When the taunting and pain-body triggered, i felt uncomfortable and unhappy and just kept quiet and silent…then as i felt more comfortable, as the pain subsided, i began regaining by true self again and began encouraging and making noise and enjoying myself. There was still some awkwardness when dealing with iype and kai ye but things weren’t too unpleasant, no nasty words or reactions were exchanged and gradually the animosity and hostility i felt subsided.

On the way back i wondered why that happened and then the realisation came to me.  Life was giving me a lesson, exposing the ego and pain-body that still lies within me. I can take it as a gift that helps me transmute my ego and pain into a more enlightened being or curse at life for being such a bitch. And if we take the former perspective, there truly is not good or bad. The bad is where you learn, the good is where you enjoy, and from a broader perspective, all things are good. Or rather, all things, just are the way they are.

Happiness

Two or three weeks ago, i had a new insight to happiness. It wasn’t so much as a new intellectual understanding, but a deepening of the understanding. I was walking and then realised that the true path of happiness was if i could be happy while walking, happy that i was walking, not thinking or being distracted by future-stuff.

When i ate dinner, i noticed myself lying down there and again, realised that if i could be happy just lying there, that would be true happiness. When the small things are loved, when the doing is enjoyed, the having loses its importance.

There’s this sort of evolutionary scale of happiness. The most common one is currently feeling happy when you have something, gained something, where you derive happiness from the result. On this level, you feel dissatisfied most of the time, with glimpses of happiness only available to you when you gain something. Notice that the people who are the most competitive, most possessive, always comparing themselves to other people, the result-oriented people are also nearly always the more unhappy, less genuine, more unfriendly people.

The next scale is “doing”, where you derive happiness from doing, from the process. I think i’ve moved away from having and am at this level of happiness, where i like doing. I like playing football, talking to people, interacting and being involved in things. At this level, happiness is a much more common occurence and you stop feeling disappointed or unhappy when you are unable to get what you want. People at this level are likely to be far more genuine, and you get the sense that they aren’t trying to get anything from you, not trying to project an image or impression or gain favours. You are likely to be a lot more comfortable with them.

And the final stage of Being, where you feel happy just by being who you are. Being alive, or conscious, is all you need to be happy. The activity of inactivity is enough to let you feel joyful and peaceful. Nothing needs to be done, no doing is required, no-thing is needed for happiness. People who enjoy doing things, actually feel the enjoyment not from the activity, but because the activity allows them to move into a state of Being.

This is in contrast with “having” people, who are likely to feel bored, feel that they are unproductive, and dislike inactivity. They feel that when they aren’t doing anything, they are wasting their time and feel the urge to keep moving and doing in order to have and even as they do, they are unable to enjoy the doing. Their only relief comes when they “have” something.

“Doing” people are more content with inactivity, but being unable to derive happiness from inactivity, still look towards activity and things to do. They may be able to appreciate the peace of inactivity, but being unable to fully and truly feel complete peace and joy through just Being, they have urges to do things.

At the state of Being, you don’t look towards doing certain things for happiness. All things are honored, no things give you happiness or peace, because it comes from you. You don’t seek happiness from outside of you, it emanates from you. Babies and children are often in this state and being so, are often the most active participants of life. They fully immerse and enjoy themselves in the dance and play of life and learn extremely quickly, are extremely genuine and infect the people around them with joy and love. Society conditions us towards “having” people, so as people grow up, they gradually become more unhappy, less capable, and less genuine.

So how do we move towards the state of Being?

First, we must recognize the insanity of “having”. “Having” is the cause for wars, arguments, stress where people want to have more land, power, glory, superiority, money and all of that. Most people are stuck at “having”, and the world is still entrenched in the “having” state, so it is normal to be a “having” person. But being normal does not mean being sane. If unhappiness is the norm, isn’t it insane to create more unhappiness and be part of the insanity?

Second, since “having” is so common, it means that it takes a lot more courage to be different from everyone else and make a change. If you recognize that “having” is insane, the next step is to dare to be sane. Have the courage to be a sane person. Humans are known to conform even when conformity may mean unhappiness, suffering, injustice is done to themselves or other people. Conformity is also the recipe for mediocrity. The courage to break out of conformity and insanity is necessary, or even with the knowledge, people will simply continue being insane and continue suffering.

Many people are at least partially aware that a world of “having” is insane. I have friends who desire and crave for the innocence and happiness of babies, children and long to be there, yet they resign themselves to a life of “having”. They go “life sucks, but we have to deal with it” and pat their friends who also face the same shit, resigning themselves to a life of “having” rather than having the courage to break out of their insanity and say, “Fuck this, i’m not going to lead a life like that”. Indeed, some people resort to suicide to escape the insanity but there is no courage in that.

Third, the knowledge…how to be happy? Simply recognize the dysfunction and be aware of it at all times. Observe your unhappiness when you don’t have what you want to have, observe your unease at inactivity, observe how, when doing mundane things like walking, sitting on the bus, you are sucked into thinking about the future, the past, things, not enjoying Being there.

When you have an image of yourself being a certain way and people insult that image, you feel hurt because you lost what you had. Feel that hurt and unhappiness. When you realise that you are feeling anxious, thinking and planning about the future, feeling fearful and competitive, observe and be aware of all of that.

Whenever you are unhappy, it means you have “lost” or failed to “have” something, and are stuck in a mental and emotional pattern of having. You have been conditioned to become a “having” person. When you become aware of it, when you feel the emotions generated by these patterns, when you see the thoughts of these mental patterns, you are already aware of these patterns. When you are aware, you are no longer a “having” person. A “having” person is unaware of these patterns and takes them to be normal. The more you are aware, the more you observe your thoughts, the more you are in the state of being aware and observing. Being aware and observing means you are not playing out the mental and emotional pattern. You have detached yourself from it, and the more you do so, the faster the “having” patterns will erode away. It is a process, a gradual thing, so you will have to keep observing and being aware until the patterns erode and “having” stops being your way of life.

Try meditation. What is meditation? Meditation is stillness, being free of your thoughts and just Being there. The more people are geared towards “having’, the more they are trapped in thinking and the more they think. When i first began meditating, i was very much a having person and it was reflected in the way that tt was very hard for me to get more than 10 or 20 seconds of a state of no thoughts. Being more a of Doing person now, i find it a lot easier to go into a state of thoughtlessness. That is “formal” meditation, where you place particular emphasis on entering a state of Being. Now bring this state into all your activities. When you walk, place all your attention on walking. When you sit, feel your butt on the surface you sit, feel how the air feels to your skin, completely be there. When you find yourself thinking, break away from thinking and return you attention to whatever you are doing.

So how does one meditate? One of the easiest ways is to feel your breath. Feel and be aware of how your breath feels like, how your organs move, how your breath moves through your nose, throat lungs, the inhale and exhale. Don’t think “oh this is my nose, this is my throat”, don’t think about feeling it. Just feel it and be completely aware of how it feels. Place all your attention on feeling your breath. Do this for 5 minutes and you may find that after awhile, your thoughts stop and you are just there, being aware of your breath. The essence of meditation is to be completely present and BE, rather than being absorbed by “having” and “doing”.

Thinking is the common state of a “having” person, since the having person is always thinking about how to have, what he wants to have, and not being satisfied with what is. A Being person thinks, but only when it is necessary. A Having person is always thinking and is completely absorbed by it. The more you are in a state of no-thought, the more you are in a state of Being. In your life, think only when it is crucial and necessary, when you are completing an assignment or solving problems.

Happiness is simple to attain. Just be, lose the need to have or do, and be happy with Being. It is simple, but not easy. To have a more profound and deeper understanding, i suggest reading The Power of Now or The New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. In these two books, he clearly explains the dysfunction of a Having person and how to become more of a Being person. Okay, love me and send me hugs.

21/7/08- inner peace

Today, i rediscovered the meaning of living in the present. Even though i intellectually grasped the concept of living in the present, i didn’t practise it correctly. I mistook my ordinary mind for my awareness, and for the past two weeks, i’ve been feeling a stagnant feeling of discontentment. I thought that by observing it, it would dissolve, but that wasn’t the case.

The situation here was more of a thought problem than an emotional one. Emotionally, i allowed myself to feel whatever i felt, but as long as my thoughts pulled me out of the present moment, i would keep adding suffering to myself. I glanced through The Power of Now again and did the inner body meditation, where i focussed on my inner body, feeling it thoroughly.

When i did it, i had problems popping up where thoughts would drift in and out, and i’d tried to retain the awareness behind those thoughts. Whenever those thoughts came out, i tried to embrace the awareness behind the thoughts. I did it for awhile, but then it became confusing, and soon, whenever a thought came up, i’d be confused as to how to deal with the thought. My practise wasn’t going so good because i kept trying to move into a state of pure awareness but that state is an empty state, not something your mind can grasp. In fact, that state is an absence of thought and mind. The discontent was still there and i relooked at the book

Then, i realised how to do my meditation. The purpose of it was to keep me in the present. As long as i was in the present moment, being aware of the present moment, i was already in the state of pure awareness. I realised that the inner body meditation was meant so that i could focus my awareness on my inner body and since my inner body was in the present moment and not a thought from the past, future or somewhere imaginary, i realised it easily anchored me into the present moment. Whenever a thought came up, rather than trying to embrace pure awareness, i simply returned my attention to my inner body. Automatically, my awareness was focussed on the present moment and i became in the state of pure awareness again.

I did the exercise for about…i don’t know 15 minutes+? and after doing it for a period, there was a strong calm and peace that descended upon me. The discontent and unease i felt the past two weeks were totally absent, replaced by a sense of contentment and peace.

Okay, anyway, if you want to try this out and haven’t been able to figure out how to do this, i’ll teach you. When you feel frustrated, discontented, uneasy, this may help you.

Step One, sit with your eyes closed

Step Two, try to feel your inner body, try to feel your body from within

Step three, try to feel it as a collective energy field

Step four, breath normally while maintaining your attention on your inner body.

Whenever a thought comes up, don’t worry. Just refocus to your inner body.

If you want, you can also focus on your breath, feeling it go in and out, if the inner body isn’t right for you, or combine both.

Fuck the future and your ‘purpose’

Lately, as me and my friends move towards the A levels, i’ve been seeing more and more of them feeling anguish, struggle, uncertainty, anxiety about the future. There’s a longing, a clinging on to right now, when we’re free of the imagined troubles of working life. They seem to dislike the future, not wanting to meet it, yet they can’t help thinking about it. What will we do? What should i do with my life? With my future? What’s the point of scoring As if i don’t know what to do with my future? This post is meant to hopefully give them an answer to all these troubles.

The reason for this clinginess, this desire to avoid the future and hang on to the present, right now, is because we fear the future. We imagine the future to be worst off than the present. Why else would we avoid it? We always look forward towards something better, and shy away from something worse. Even though we may not consciously project our imagine our future, even though we may not logically know what our future will be, we unconsciously already pictture the future to be bad. We hear stories from society, newspapers, parents, about how working life is so stressful, full of back-stabbing and crap, and the shitty thing is we buy into all of it.

The next problem is when we take in all the assumptions of the future that society throws at us. Assumptions such as “YOU MUST HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE”, “EVERYONE HAS A PURPOSE IN LIFE”, “YOU MUST KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH YOUR LIFE”…and when we accept these, we unconsciously also accept that “EVERYONE KNOWS THEIR PURPOSE. YOU OUGHT TO, TOO”, “YOU WILL DIE/SUFFER IF YOU DON’T HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE”, “IT IS WRONG TO NOT HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIFE”. You take in all these assumptions and assume that because society takes them to be true, they must be true for everyone. Not many people talk about this, so you assume that you’re the only one having this problem. You make “findin a purpose” right and not having one, “wrong”.

So, as we seem to move closer and closer to all these future projections, these problems become more and more glaring. Right now, i’d just like everyone who has these problems to take the step of courage and consider what my opinions on these are.

1. The future doesn’t exist. It may be better, it may be worse. No one knows! All you know is society bombaring you with their realities of it but you have no idea if its true for you or not. Even if what they say is true, what can you do about it? Worrying about it won’t help, avoiding it won’t help because you can’t avoid it. All you can do is to accept that whatever will be, will be. Relinquish resistance, stop trying to avoid or delay it. Be at peace with whatever may come, and the only way you can be at peace is to focus on this moment right now. Whenever you project yourself into the future and think about it, whether unconsciously or consciously, you’re trying to deal with something that you can’t! How can you deal with a problem that doesn’t exist? The only thing that is real, that exists, is now, the present moment, so put your full attention and focus on it. When the future comes, it will come through Now, you will face the future in the present, and when it comes, deal with whatever comes.

But seriously, you have absolutely no idea what the future holds for you, so why let yourself be so bothered by it? Who’s to say the future isn’t more fun, more enjoyable, happier than it is now? Why make so many silly assumptions based on what others think and trying to make you think? When people try to convince me that life in the future is going to be hard/stressful, in my mind, i’m going “fuck off, my future is goin to be way more fun and happy than it is now. you can have the unhappy future, i’m going to have the happy one.” And if they try to convince me by talking, i’m guessing i would probably tell them “i don’t believe in that.” That’s what i did when my mom told me how we needed to brush our teeth or else they will decay. I told her,”i don’t believe in that.”

I know, some of you may be going, “just because you believe in it doesn’t make it true”. Well, i believe in the law of attraction, and basically, it means that you get what you believe. There is evidence for it, scientifically, in the form of placebo, the phenomenon where people’s illnesses suddenly go into remission when they believe that htey are cured even if they haven’t.

2. The next point deals with the assumptions that we blindly take in. Who told you you NEEDED to have a purpose? Why can’t you not have one? Okay, so people tell you that you must have one. But you don’t know your purpose right now, and do you think that worrying about it, thinking about it, will lead you to your purpose? Why not just accept that you don’t know what your purpose is right now, and it may or may not come to you. For now, your purpose is to live your life as it is, in the present moment, not to worry about the future because worrying does absolutely shit. Alternatively, you can go one step further and accept that you may not have a purpose at all.

Sometimes, you get that argument…if you have no purpose, you may as well die now…i would say…not really. Babies, children don’t seem to have any “purpose”. Their purpose, as far as they are concerned, is to be completely present and enjoy whatever there is now, and they seem happy enough. I would think that your purpose should be something you love to do, something you feel enthusiastic and happy about doing, rather than something you think you should be doing, something you think makes a big contribution to society or whatever. If you do what you are happy doing, what you feel you should be doing, then you will naturally contribute in your own way. On the contrary, if you THINK that you should be doing something and then you do it, you’ll end up unhappy and burden the world with your complaints, unhappiness, and resentment.

I believe that when people tell you that you ought to have a purpose in life, the true meaning to that is that you should live a life where you find meaning and happiness, doing something you like and love to do. This is in contrast to people who lead their lives according to what society tells them they should be doing, getting a job that society deems acceptable, not daring to do what they would really like to do, and basically living their lives like a machine. When you have a purpose, it means you take charge, you are in control, you do what you want and not what others tell you you ought to be doing.

Realise that there is NOTHING WRONG with not knowing your purpose or having a purpose. The only thing that sucks is when you live your life according to what people tell you. Stop needing to have a purpose! When you have a purpose, it should come naturally and spontaneously to you. You should innately, instinctively know what it is, rather than trying to think, analyze and figure out what it is. If you don’t know, be completely fine with it. Why take the insane route of trying to fight and figure out your purpose, a purpose that might not even exist, a purpose that exists out of the infinite purposes there are in this world? What if you have more than one purpose? What if your purpose changes from time to time? Fuck, are you seriously going to try to analyze and figure it all out?

Right now, this is my purpose: My purpose in life is to lead the happiest life i can lead, to become completely present, to inspire and teach others how to become enlightened in my definition of it. My purpose may change later, but for now, this is what i like to do. I like to help people, to inspire people, and to enjoy my life. So i make that my purpose. Oh, another part of my purpose is to not make the future a problem and to stay completely present and enjoy the present moment.